Feature photo by Jessica Driver / Above photo by Timm Williams
If you have tattoos (like me) then you know that people are often asking for advice about being inked. If you’re not tattooed, here is a short guide to some mistakes to avoid.
Before you go under the needle, have a look to see what the following might say about you.
Photo by Enricus
Tribal Band/Barbed Wire – Upper Arm
This tattoo proclaims you as a member of the tribe, that’s true. The sad part is that the tribe in question is the “sub-literati.”
Super Hard Neck Tattoo
The placement implies anything but hardness, no matter the subject matter. This is the mark of the young man with erectile dysfunction, or at the very least, a premature ejaculator. Can you say overcompensation? Go ahead and try again. I’m willing to be patient.
Garden Variety Butterfly Tramp Stamp
Beware the secret garden below. The butterfly belies a much more sinister truth, and though the garden is sure to be properly pruned, the implication that insect life may seek exodus from the deep cleavage below may not be so far off the mark.
Look At My Boobs Sacred Heart
Frank Zappa had it right about you Catholic girls. Too many years cooped up with the same sex have you making this desperate and permanent plea for male attention that you reiterate every time you “forget” to close those top buttons.
Photo by goodeye03
Any Placement Of A Dolphin
Bad enough on a necklace or a t-shirt, the dolphin tattoo indicates a desire to be seen as peace and earth loving. The bad news is that you were probably inspired to get it after an alcohol fueled domestic abuse disturbance that resulted in your arrest.
Nautical Star
Would you cut it out already? The closest you’ve been to the open water is happy hour near the naval base during shore leave.
Photo by haycarrieanne
Angel Wings On The Back
In your desire to be different, you committed the error of putting puny, atrophied angel wings on your back in an indelible medium. Were they suddenly to become corporeal, you’d be left with useless nubs that make getting dressed impossible. Shows severe spatial orientation issues.
Flower On The Ankle
The design you picked out gave you a familiar, warm-fuzzy feeling. It’s unfortunate that you failed to recognize it was because it resembled the packaging on your favorite feminine hygiene product. A future of daytime soaps awaits you.
Tazmanian Devil
Any Looney Tunes character pretty much says the same thing, but Taz is the mark of the beast – as in Old Milwaukee. The calling card of the unemployable, the Tazmanian Devil shows a character deficit that pretty much guarantees you will complacently be the recipient of public assistance for the rest of your life.
Low-Abdominal, Sub-Navel Tribal
Your shirt’s too short and your pants are too low and that means we can all see your belly tattoo. With or without a belly button ring, this almost definitely indicates a cavalier approach to birth control. Pretty soon, your tattoo will be ravaged by your impending and unplanned pregnancy.
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212 Comments... join the discussion!
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Hey, flower-on-ankle girl here. You got me, totally called me out. I even got the tat idea from the wall…ha! It’s standard and boring, definitely cliche. I still don’t regret it though, even 8 years later. The mere act of getting a tattoo at that point in my life meant alot to me. I’m still glad I did it and smile every time I see it, but now that I’m a little older and wiser I’ve decided my next tat will be planned very carefully. I appreciate it more as an art now.
I say do whatever the hell you want. You’re the one that’s got to live with it! Enjoy.
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I’ve had tats for a long time and I hate it when people like you decide what is “cliche”. Who really gives a fuck what you think!! Why do we get tattoos anyway? As an expression of our feelings, thoughts or personality. Odds are you don’t have tattoos. If you do I would love to know what they are so I can generalize you without actually knowing anything about you. In closing, Fuck You!!
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Did you even read the opening paragraph?
“If you have tattoos (like me)…”
Get a sense of humour before you get a heart attack or something.
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I love the zipper over the scar idea… Thats awesome! I do have a so called “tramp stamp” But I drew it myself and my sister in law and I went together to get tats, so its a good memory, The only thing I don’t like about it is I can’t see it. I can see all my other tattoos, I got them for myself, for my own enjoyment, and I will get more. I love the whole idea of individual artwork and self decor. The majority of my tats have a personal meaning to me and I would not trade them for anything!
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I had a regular who came into the bar– a gym-rat meathead, but a nice guy. He had the barbed wire/”No Fear” on his bicep. I always wanted to ask him if he had the Nike® swoop somewhere too. One day he came in and showed me his new tat– a pair of Chinese characters. I asked him what it meant. He didn’t know– he just saw them in a magazine and took the picture to the tattooist. I’m not totally fluent, but I knew what they meant: “Powerful woman.” I didn’t tell him.
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Just don’t get a tattoo at all.
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Right on Randy, who the hell are you Kate to decide what is cliche and what is not?
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Lighten up!
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I think you should definitely have included any script in a language not your own, and while we’re at it, portraits of anyone famous!
The oddest I saw recently was in The Independent – a ‘hand-print’ from a spank, permanently tattooed onto an arse cheek!
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The problem with tattoos is that today’s creative expression of “thoughts, feelings or personality,” as Randy put it, are tomorrow’s cliches, and these cliches cannot be erased. I’ve always said that I might get a tattoo if I ever saw one I liked. So far, that has not happened. Although I like comic books, I don’t frame comic book covers and hang them on my walls as expressions of art either.
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One of the best tattoos I’ve ever seen was a tourist in Savannah, GA with a huge Captain America on his leg. Whoever did it did such an amazing job, it was like a piece of cover art. I wish I knew who did it
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What about a classic lower back tat with the words…”Exit Only.”
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Says the woman from Kentucky.
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I think the rouge these days is the one without the tattoo or the piercing. If there’s a design I like and want to wear, I get it on a t-shirt.
I think if you wanted to plan to make a heck of a lot of money, you’d invest in tattoo removal. In 30 years, that intricate and artistic tattoo is going to look like a blotchy mess.
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Girl, you should not take yourself so seriously! There are a few good points here but overall, the article is filled with negativity, I barely read the last few point as I had no interest left.
By the way, your introduction to yourself sucks. Take whatever you want from this and leave the rest – just like everybody else!
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Oh! Please add the improperly interchanged swallow/sparrow tattoo’s to this list. Aren’t they just the cutest little over done without knowing the meaning tats to reach main street?
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Kate,
Seriously, In this article you have managed to call out 85% of the people with tattoos. Not only is this offending, but it is just complete nonsense for you to decide what is “cliche”. So here is an Idea: Why dont you go out and get all of these, and then you can actually have some actual experience before you write a blog on something you have no clue about.
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You might also include what I like to generically call ‘the Axl Rose tattoo’ (only because a hilarious event happened to me involving said eponymy), but it refers generically to any rock star portrait tattoo. I could dish all day on [insert rock star's name here] tattoos. Why don’t I regale you with a sample:
The ‘Axl Rose tattoo’ loudly proclaims utter loserhood. Mistaking a missing vowel for cleverness and phony primped-up delusional posing for bold individualism, skin sacs sporting said sign suggest super-stupidity status. How better to broadcast to proximal apes that you are lost and dissociated from real people – dawdling alone in impossibly pathetic misplaced puppy love – hung up in the stupidest, phoniest wanker personality cult on Earth? Such melancholic ghosts are practically screaming at thoughtful observers “I will never love anyone, not even YOU Ivan, as much as I love Nick Cave!”, thereby identifying yourself as existentially worthless and condemning yourself to a life of utter dissatisfaction, frustration and loneliness as all cool members of the opposite sex drift quickly away to concentrate on more important matters like chicken or pencils, at best only wishing disinterestedly for any cerebral event at all, like maybe some kind of punchline for instance, other than the silent voice in their minds exclaiming with certitude, unheard by you, “Wow. Lame”.
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Hey Randy, this isn’t anti-tattoo, it’s anti-no-thought-used tattooing. My reply is intended to be anti-no-thought replying too.
If the whole world used its brains even a little more, things could be a lot better.
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This is a joke. Anyone that claims to know something so specific about someone just because of their tattoo is seriously struggling with their own flaws.
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I semi agree with Randy (not in so many words lol). Everyone has different reasons for getting tattoos so she can’t really judge the person based on picture and placement of a tattoo. Granted there are those people that get random ones just for the hell of it. I have a friend that has 5 tattoos and only one of them really meant something to him. I think a good majority of people really put thought into the ink they get and everyone has a different style and attitude towards getting a tattoo. If everyone walked around with tattoos just like hers then she’d be the cliche.
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Hey meatheads.
In Kate’s defense, no one can ever officially decide what is a cliche and what is not. It’s a matter of opinion, so Kate has as much right to decide what’s a cliche as anyone.
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Tattoos to me are personal; i have 10 and have never seen anyone with any resembling mine. While i DO think it is a person’s choice to have done what they want, there are def cliche tattoos.
Example: Chester Bennington from Linkin Park…does that guy have an original thought in his head? He has a Koi Fish on one arm, flames on both forearems, and a spider web on one of his elbows. Nice work Chester..he is a walking cliche. He has the right to do that, but I would hope that most would have more originality.
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Hey!
I’m sixteen and I’m considering getting a tattoo, so I was just looking around for tips, safety, and ideas, when I came upon this list of Tattoo Cliches.
I thought it was really very funny. Especially the dolphin one. My aunt has two dolphins on her wrist, which I think are pretty, but I agree that they are way overdone. I mean, I wonder why they’re so popular??
Anyway, thanks for a laugh! I promise not to get a sacred heart on my tits.
: P
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I have a tattoo of a heart on the inside of my wrist. i love it and i wouldn’t change it for the world. I think it’s an original place for a tattoo, and it means a lot to me.
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The blog post was funny. Randy’s retort was even funnier. Everyone getting all up in arms is amusing as well. I believe the writer accomplisher her goal – creating a stir.
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I am seriously laughing at all the people who are angry about this post, because you know every single one of them has one of these cliche tattoos and they’re super sensitive about it. Hindsight being 20/20, even the owners of these tattoos know deep down inside that it was not the brightest moment in their lives. Missing from the list: barcodes (especially on the wrists and the back of the neck), Asian lettering, and roses, skulls and swords (all together).
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Hey! I have a little heart on the inside of my wrist, too
I think the problem with “cliches” is that every cliche was unique once. Cliches may be stupid, but avoiding something you truly like just because it’s a “cliche” is even stupider. Trying really hard to avoid anything “mainstream” is just… stupid.
And I can appreciate some snarky humor, but the not-so-subtle association of neck tattoos and lower-back butterflies with erectile dysfunction and venereal disease, respectively, isn’t even really funny. I’m not angry about it, but… meh.
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my ex-girlfriend one day came home and told me she got a tattoo of a mouse just below the belly button. she unsnap her pants to show me, but it was gone. no tattoo at all. she looked up at me and smile, and said ohhh, my pussy must have ate it.
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I have the nautical star. However, I can defend it. While kayaking is my preferred method of water-related travel, one of my best friends was into sailing and spent a lot of her time volunteering teaching underprivileged kids how to sail. When she was killed I got it for her.
I think there’s a few more things that can be added to this list, but I have to admit, I have a soft spot for really old-school traditional tattoos. I know they’re overdone, but I still love the aesthetic.
By the way, can we add “bad portrait” to this list?? Or worse, pet portrait?
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I happen to love tribal tatoos, regardless of placement. And I have a beautiful pair of angel wings the size of a grapefruit between my shoulderblades that would like to disagree with you.
When your favorite band becomes popular, do you stop liking them because other people like them too, or do you simply embrace the fact that you and other people share ommon interests and be happy that you are not alone?
I don’t think liking something that is popular is bad, as long as you are not changing or denying yourself in order to like it.
Cliche is a harsh word, and rather unjustified I think.↵ -
My first tats were two small dots that were used for lining up the radiation machine. love those tatoos, they helped defeat a monster. I hope they never fade. the next one i get will be a portrait of my beloved pitbull Tyson, hopefully on the inside of my left forearm, a headshot 3″ high. then there’s this little figurine of a delightful fanasy creature i’ve had for years, he means a lot to me so I’m thinking of getting him on my right arm. I think once I get going I won’t be able to stop so it’s a good thing I’ve waited 30 years to start.
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kirk’s reply isn’t directed at me, we must have hit enter at the same time ;-p
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…and what is so damn bad about being from Kentucky?
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Kate: not bad. These people posting comments are being ridiculous. If they don’t think that tribal arm bands and the like are cliched, they have no idea what’s going on. Further, none of the tattoos you described were “an expression of … feelings, thoughts or personality” in any unique way. Even the common excuse, “I designed this tribal band myself, bro” doesn’t hold water with me. And if you called out 85% of people with tattoos, then maybe 85% of people with tattoos needed to be called out. While the article wasn’t anything extremely though provoking, it didn’t deserve the slander it received.
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there’s a clear reason why this article calls out a large percent of people with tattoos- if these tattoos weren’t common, they wouldn’t be stereotypical and cliche.
i have north carolina on my foot and a fishook on my wrist. state tattoos seem to be common, but i’ve never seen carolina. and fishooks… well, who has that?
i’m just saying, yea, this article has it right on. except there does need to be some mention of nautical stars and sparrows/swallows. also names of anyone other than your kids.
really, now.
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A sad attempt at dry humour im guessing, either that or the words of an uneducated stereotypist? You make yourself sound like your so above these people with ‘tramp stamps’ and ‘neck tattoo’s’, and if you are, why dont you consider writing something with a bit more depth as comedy really doesn’t work for you.
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Wow, some of you people should really calm down. This is just Kate’s opinion. Lighten up.
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tats are weak. what a pathetic way to cry for attention. get over yourselves and man up, or woman-up you tramp stamped whores, like a big boy (girl).
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I think that might be part of the reason they are so … cliche… ?
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I’m pretty sure the only people freaking out angrily about this article are people who have the cliched tattoos you’ve mentioned and are releasing their pent-up feelings of regret.
For what it’s worth, I think this article is hilarious and well done.
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ALL Tattoos are cliche! be original, don’t get one!
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Overall, I found this article as amusing. I definitely see the thoughtlessness in some tatoo choices. I see it all the time.
I have no tatoos. My rule it that I have to really want the placement of a tatoo for at least a year before I’ll get one. I figure that if I change my mind, or am uncertain in that time, then I must not want it that bad.
Who knows, maybe I’ll never get a tatoo at this rate, but one of the designs, I’ve been considering are the angel wings. And I am still considering them. Your argument against getting these tatoos is that they took no thought and have no real meaning. During a spiritual retreat, I was told I have to stretch the place between my shoulder blades because that’s where the wings are. To me that’s a sweet metaphore. It might not mean anything to you (and that’s okay), but it means something to me. None of this will change it from being a cliche in anyone’s mind, but that’s okay with me.
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To everyone who had a problem with this article:
cli·che :
Function:
noun, adjectiveDefinition: something that has become overly familiar or commonplace
The tattoos described WERE indeed “cliche.” For those who asked who is Kate to “decided what is cliche,” the answer is she DIDN’T decide what it cliche. Society decides what is cliche, by following suit with a trend.
Get over it! You got your tattoo because it’s art, and represents self expression. Well, the same can be said for this article. Blogs are called “blogs” for a reason; they are completely from one person’s point of view. Since when do you say “Fuck You” to someone who expresses their point of view?
Signed,
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Halarious article… ´cavalier attitude toward birth control … mark of the unemployable´ – classic. Made my day reading it.
I´d like to add one that the piece missed (but may have been pointed out in the comments above; I can´t be fuct reading them all). Any placement of a Chinese character. Sure, you trust the tattoo artist to have looked into it, and the new inscription on your shoulder really does mean ´truth´ in English. But how can you be absolutely sure he didn´t confuse it for ´trash´.
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Yep. Read my previous comment. Res ipsa loquitur.
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The person who takes offense at this article most likely fits into one of the following categories:
1) He /she gets a tattoo to become more ‘interesting’. (This doesn’t work)
2) He/she gets inked because all the cool kids are doing it. (Ugh)
3) He/she gets tattooed because of all the neat people on TV (ok, MTV) have them.
If your tattoo began with the original thought “I want to get a tattoo, but I’m not sure what I want or where I want it”, you are part of the cliche.
The only time a tattoo makes sense, in my opinion, is when the impetus comes from the idea itself. A good friend of mine was in the mess at Columbine high school in 1999. She later got a little columbine (flower) done tastefully on the back of her shoulder. It was beautiful, and held deep meaning related to a life-changing event.
She wasn’t just trying to be “cool” or “trendy” or “fit in”. She wasn’t regurgitating vapid, tenuous ‘culture’ she saw on TV or in a dorm or in a magazine. Art that you will carry for the rest of your life should have deep true personal substance and meaning.
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Enjoyable!
The best artist is mine. The lamest tats I’ve ever seen… my friend tattooed kanji on the backs of her ankles… they stood for Right and Left. WTF?
Choose wisely, Daniel-san… it is with you fo-devah.
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To quote Andrea “I’m pretty sure the only people freaking out angrily about this article are people who have the cliched tattoos you’ve mentioned and are releasing their pent-up feelings of regret.” I totally agree!
Jared: If 85% of the population has these tattoos, are they not cliche?
Next time you post a comment, think about it longer than you did your cliched tattoos lol :pAll the people talking shit need to lighten up!
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For anybody who wants a tattoo, just get whatever you feel you want. It’s your body, your choice, your taste, doesn’t matter what anybody else believes or sees or interprets, only YOU. You may have VERY different ideas about (for example) a dolphin tat. What’s wrong with a dolphin?!?!?! It’s a beautifull creature!!!! Hell, just because of this list of ‘what-nots’, I’m gonna get me a dolphin tat! HAH! lol
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Worst tattoos I have seen :
One friend tattooed his initials on his chest. When we asked him about it, he just said he wanted a tattoo.
Former college roommate with the wings. Colorful bright wings. She said they represented her love of traveling, but she has never traveled outside of her own state. Later, she admitted to she just wanted another tattoo.
Boyfriend’s brother has a giant Cubs sign on his shoulder. It should be noted that he is not a die hard cubs fan. I would have rather seen a tribal pattern tattoo than a sports logo tattoo.
Anytime you put any other language on your body. Especially Chinese/Japanese characters.
Best tattoos (and I don’t like tattoos too much):
Family member that has all his daughter’s birthdays tattooed as an armband. (spelled out like: nineteeneightythreeseventwenty.) I thought it was cute.
Same roommate with the wings has “Breathe” written in Tolkien’s Elvish on her foot. She is a complete spaz and overreacts to everything. Her mother used to tell her to “Just Breathe” every time she would get over anxious, so now her tattoo tells her instead.
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Some of these are true, and some…not so much. One thing is for sure. I can feel the hate… But why? You’ve made some pretty extreme conclusions about people just from a little tatto? Cmon… don’t hate… tolerate.
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Based on your comment, I would guess you have a neck tattoo.
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