Photo by mikebaird

I love traveling. It’s always been an opportunity for me to discover something new and escape the monotony of every day life at home. Weekend getaways and spontaneous trips with friends were important and necessary for me to recharge and learn to deal with the not so fascinating aspects of regular life.

This, of course, was before I had children. Lots of them. Three to be exact. A world of one, became a world of two and very quickly after, a family of five.

That’s an uneven enough number to make it difficult to sit on one row together on planes. Just enough to have to pay an “extra person” fee at hotels. Just enough to need to rent the more expensive, bigger car for a road trip. Just enough to have to stay home.

It seemed that my life of new discoveries was over, and I would have to settle for the non-nomadic life of a Mom of an uneven five.

Photo by fast eddie 42

True, I live in New York City, one of the most amazing cities in the world, but I’ve been here long enough and seen it all.

At least that’s what I thought until I started walking around my city with kids in tow. I realize that no simple trip is ever really that simple, and it’s never boring.

Now, I see things in a new light when I take the time to listen to them and see through their eyes. I notice the beauty of the diversity in the people I pass every day on the street. So we find local places where we enjoy that diversity further.

When I see my three all excited by the sounds of music in the subway or the streets — sounds I stopped hearing — I am inspired to introduce them to the endless number places where they can enjoy music.

We discover new places together as well. Wonderful places like The New Victory Theater, and the talented musicians that cater to them without torturing me.

And they continue to inspire me, pointing out the things I have taken for granted for so long or never even noticed myself.

My family, my uneven number five, brings balance to my life and a depth to my surroundings in a way I have never before experienced. By forcing me to slow down, to stop, to notice the wonders around me and to enjoy fully the things I see on the street, in the supermarket and everywhere else,

Photo by Chicago’s North Shore Conventions & Visitors Burea

I realize that every day can be an adventure, right here, and that I don’t have to travel too far away places to find it.

We’ve started traveling more and more as they get older. And it still is something I love to do. But when we aren’t on the road or on a plane, our adventures don’t stop.

The slower pace, brought about by our children, has shown us to appreciate even the simplest of things and make the city our playground.

I never know what new thing we will discover on any given day, making this the best trip ever.

Community Connection

What major changes have you faced when welcoming new additions to the family? How did you adjust?

Ever thought about how cool it would be to see a movie focused entirely on babies? Me neither, but someone else did.

Directed by Thomas Balmes and based on an idea by Alain Chabat, the documentary follows four babies in four different countries throughout their earliest stages of life.

The stars of the show are: Ponijao who lives near Opuwo, Namibia; Bayarjargal who lives near Bayanchandmani, Mongolia; Mari in Tokyo, Japan; and Hattie in San Francisco, USA.

Their stories are set against four extremely diverse backdrops, ranging from dusty huts to city skyscrapers, but they all have a few things in common — they’re all just setting out on their life journeys, they have loving parents, and gosh darned they’re adorable.

It’ll be interesting to see how Balmes interweaves the babies’ lives with a working story line involving dirty diapers, breast feeding and temper tantrums. But I think one of the most interesting aspects of this documentary will be looking at how we’re born into the world as fresh slates, clean and impressionable and filled with laughter.

We could all learn a thing or two from babies.

Check out the acting skills on the first two babies, they play up the camera better than Paris Hilton, wouldn’t you agree? I can nearly hear my biological clock ticking.

Photo by Lisa_at_home2002

I’ve had my share of screaming family arguments. They leave me feeling hurt, angry, horribly unbalanced and almost never lead to anything positive. There’s been quite a bit of trial and error, but these are the things that help me remain calm and collected during sometimes difficult family time.

If you know who someone is, then you know what to expect from them.

It could be a constant stream of questions. Or maybe it’s the look your mom gets on her face when she sees your new haircut. Or how your brother starts every freakin’ sentence with “You really should…” Or any of the other fun family stereotypes that drive us batty.

You feel put on the spot, completely misunderstood and unheard because, quite frankly, you don’t ever intend on marrying some nice boy or “settling down” in the way they think you should.

Don’t let it hook you. Yes, easier said than done, but when you know a question is coming, why allow it to make you angry? Prepare for it instead. Have a joke ready in response. Stuff a roll in your mouth. Or just smile hugely, lean in and give your inquisitor an enormous hug.

The trick is in knowing you have no obligation to respond unless you really want. If you do choose to respond, here are some tips to avoid saying something you’ll ultimately regret..

Photo by Computerjoe

Don’t drink or do drugs if you know they have a negative impact on your emotions and behavior.

Pretty simple, actually. If your inhibitions will be lowered, leaving you more likely to get into an argument, don’t imbibe. You can always meet up with your favorite cousin later and discuss over a drink how grandma detailed every moment of her last bowel movement while serving the roasted potatoes with brown sauce. Yum!

Don’t expect more from people than is fair to expect.

Relationships go in phases, and you will not get along with everyone all the time. Some family members are simply different than you. You don’t see the world in the same way, and thus, you don’t get why your aunt prefers to live in an elaborate apartment in New York City while she may never understand your desire to travel through the Mekong Delta with only a backpack and shoes.

Accept it with grace and ease and talk about the things you have in common. I find children seem to be a binding point for many. They can distract you with their games, and two adults who disagree on everything can usually find something they both love about the smallest members of the family.

Make time to take care of yourself.

Do you need occasional time alone? Would you prefer your deeply offensive uncle stay far away? Are you vegetarian? Make a list of the things you most need in order to feel sane and comfortable.

Photo by Lefthand

Of course, there’s a fine line between addressing your needs and being flat out needy, so perhaps choose your top three and work toward making them a reality.

At first, family may be offended, but over time, I promise they’ll get used to it if they’re rational and see that you’re making an effort to be part of the group in other ways. If they’re not rational, there’s no point in rearranging your life and behavior to accommodate someone who will likely never be pleased.

Pick your battles very wisely

Sometimes we want things our own way because we’re feeling pressured, disrespected or unheard. While these may all be good reasons to stand up for yourself, you have to decide whether the family Christmas dinner or New Year’s party is the best time to address them.

Fight only for what you need to take care of yourself, not for what you think should be or what you believe is fair. Fair tends to lose meaning, anyway, when faced with so many personalities, desires and personal philosophies.

If you do fight, do so with humor and sensitivity.

Don’t approach anyone in the throes of anger. Instead, take some time to compose yourself, focus on which issues are most important to you, then address those things directly. State them as a reflection of your feelings and experience, not as an accusation.

Example: It makes me uncomfortable when you make racist comments in front of my African girlfriend.

If your family member makes excuses, don’t get sucked into an attempt to justify yourself. Just repeat, I hear what you’re saying, but it makes me uncomfortable when you make racist comments in front of my girlfriend.

It isn’t easy to remain calm and friendly while restating the same thing like a broken record, but you’ll be surprised at how well this works.

Don’t discuss past details, either.

Details tend to lead to more details and pointless discussion. Next thing you know, you’re screaming about five years ago when Uncle Phil trotted out his travel tidbit of how Brazil is beautiful, if only there weren’t so many brown people it. Yes, Uncle Phil is a schmuck, but it’s not going to address your situation sitting at the dinner table in the here and now.

Walk away if you feel you’re not getting the response you want or feel yourself getting angry.

Everyone Loses It Sometimes

It’s not an inexcusable character flaw to make a mistake. Calm down. Try again or don’t. Take time alone. Or choose another way to disconnect from the drama.

Photo by Symic

Remember, losing your temper is not the end of the world, no matter what anyone else says about it, and no one is exempt from slipping up.

All in all, it’s important to see each visit as its own entity. No matter how much history, practice or experience you have with a person, what happens during one visit exists as a distinct event from anything else that has ever happened in your life and times with your family member. Each family event is just one opportunity to add a bead to the string of positive experiences.

Then, you go back to your own life.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION:

How do you cope with family stress over the holidays? Share your insights and experience in the comments.

Photo by rick.

One Poll recently surveyed 4,000 Brits to determine their most preferred scents. Among the top 20 are freshly baked bread, vanilla, fish and chips, bacon frying, a freshly lit match, Petrol, and rubber tires.

Much of our smell preferences may have to do with our earliest impressions, whether they’re good or bad. According to ScienceDaily, we associate certain memories with certain smells, provoking feelings of nostalgia and comfort.

Of course, since we are all individuals, our past experiences help shape how we remember certain events. Happy childhood memories, for example, are associated with pleasant smells.

However, this list varies for the sexes. For men, new-baby smell ranks at number 18, while frying bacon sits at seventh and Petrol is at 12th. Yes, the mouth-watering, sultry smell of pig frying in a pan is more alluring than that adorable, indescribable scent you draw in from the top of a baby’s head.

Photo by misteraitch

So what does this mean for men? Are fathers less likely to become attached to their child than mothers? Should men more actively pursue forming a bond with baby?

Men, here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Give a midnight bottle – Be there as soon as baby awakes, taking a heroic stance over the cradle with bottle in hand.

2. Change diapers – That’s one smell that should inspire some strong scent memory.

3. Be there for a cold or fever – Claim the role of fierce protector.

4. Take a bath together – Few things are more fun than bath playtime for two, plus rubber ducky.

5. Be a texture board – Let your baby tug your beard, poke your eyeballs or stick a finger in your nose. There’s lots of terrain to cover.

My solution? A baby powder scented with the flavour of bacon. Just keep your baby out of the sun.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

Want more fun? Make your life incredible and amazing with bacon, or share your most treasured scents with us in the comments below.

I recently wrote an article for my blog asking why it’s so difficult to find balance and happiness in life. That post was born out of my own frustrations trying to juggle all the disparate elements of my own existence. Too often, I feel like I’m running to catch up, and too rarely am I able to relax and reflect.

“How do others manage?” I wondered, and thus, the inspiration for this photo essay was born. I immediately began contacting other families and parents I know through Twitter. Some are traveling full time. Others are well respected writers. Others are business entrepreneurs, chefs and teachers.

I’ll admit, I half expected to hear pithy, cliche aphorisms about how you too can manage your life if only you follow these clear simple instructions. What I found instead was true, solid insight and advice that brings perspective and perhaps the acceptance we need to find order in our chaotic schedules. Not just for parents, but for anyone seeking harmony between the many parts of our lives.

1. The Vogels — @familyonbikes — can be seen stopping on the Panamerican Highway in southern Colombia. Nancy and John gave up their jobs teaching to travel the length of the Americas by bike while homeschooling their two boys. You can read more about their travels at their website Family On Bikes.

THEIR TIP FOR BALANCE: When you live a simplified life on the road, balance comes naturally. We wake up. We pack the bikes. We ride. We eat. We sleep.

2. Christopher Elliott — @elliottdotorg — is National Geographic Traveler magazine’s reader advocate and writes the syndicated column The Travel Troubleshooter.

HIS THOUGHTS ON BALANCE: Balance? What’s that? In an always-on world with its 24/7 news cycle, I’ll settle for staying afloat.

But if you want to try to find balance — not saying you will, but you can try — you have to block off the time and announce your plans to the entire family: “We’re going to SeaWorld on Saturday! We’ll ride one of those pink Flamingo boats out on the lake!”

Then, if something comes up and you try to back out, they’ll put you on a guilt trip that makes the terrifying Kraken rollercoaster on the far side of the park seem like Disneyworld’s It’s A Small World.

Word to the wise: Don’t disappoint a two-year-old. Or her brothers. Ah, balance.

3. Paul Sullivan — @paulosullivano — is a writer, author and photographer specializing in music, culture and travel. He lives in Berlin with his girlfriend and 20-month-old son. You can read more about Paul on his website. He is also a contributing editor and Matador Network’s editor-at-large.

PAUL’S TIP FOR BALANCE: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

4. Julie Schwietert — @collazoprojects — blogs about parenthood at www.9mos.wordpress.com and about the writing life at www.cuadernoinedito.wordpress.com. She’s a new mom and the managing editor of Matador. Here she is at the airport. Mom, kid, dog and luggage. What more do you need?

JULIE’S THOUGHTS ON BALANCE: Balance? Muah huah huah!

No, seriously. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to feel like I’ve achieved balance (there’s too much I want to do to fit into one life), so I try hard not to pursue balance as a goal.

I do that by not setting rigid rules for myself or my family. For example, I just read about someone who has a rule about turning off the computer at 8 PM. That’s nice, and I’m glad it works for them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it works for me (especially because I work with people in different time zones) or that I have to adopt that as a rule in my own life. I also quit trying to impose impossible expectations upon myself. I just do the best I can.

Oh, and one more thing: I have an extraordinary husband who handles all the dirty details of life: eating, cleaning, laundry, and the like. That’s the real secret!

5. Jenna Park — @whimsyandspice — has been working as an art director and designer for over 13 years. She and her husband Mark run a Brooklyn confectionary called Whimsy & Spice that was founded in 2008. You can catch them daily on their blog, sweet fine day, which chronicles culinary, family and New York City life.

Read on to the next photo for Jenna and Mark’s ideas on how to maintain balance in family life.

6. Mark Sopchak — the other half of Whimsy & Spice –has been working as a pastry chef in the NYC restaurant industry for over 12 years.

HOW JENNA AND MARK KEEP THEIR BALANCE: How do we find balance between our working life and family life?

After nearly 6 years as working parents, first with a freelance business and jobs, and now with our own confectionary business added to the mix, we are still trying to figure it out. 1 kid became 2, and with each age comes its own challenges and needs. You feel like you figured out how to handle the 2s, but then they turn 3 and turn your world upside down, and so on.

I think the key for us has always been to just go with the flow and take each day’s challenges one by one. As business owners, there are no boundaries between home and work life – one often flows into the other at all hours of the day, so we’ve stopped fighting it and let our lives become what it is.

Some days have better balance than others, but we always make time to drop and pick up the kids from school, eat dinner together as a family and spend some quality time with the kids a good few hours each day.

7. Lea Woodward — @leawoodward — lives a location independent life and founded the Location Independent Network to help others manage successful careers while traveling. This photo shows her working hard on her balcony in Dubai. She just left Dubai to spend a few months in Thailand.

All the while, Lea continues running her online businesses with her husband Jonathan. She has just launched a new site with parents specifically in mind, www.LocationIndependentParents.com.

8. Even with her busy travel and work schedule, Lea makes time to play with her daughter.

LEA’S TIP FOR FINDING BALANCE: Finding balance is an interesting one.I’ve found recently that it just requires making the decision to balance whatever is out of balance and then doing it…and then seeing what the consequences are and living with them. Not always easy but sometimes necessary.

9. Debbie Dubrow — @deliciousbaby — created and runs Delicious Baby, a website dedicated to making travel with kids fun. If that wasn’t enough, Debbie is also one of those responsible for Passports With Purpose, a raffle fund-raiser currently working toward building a school in Cambodia, complete with clean water, vegetable garden and a school nurse.

In this photo, she enjoys family time with her kids at a Seattle Storm game..

DEBBIE’S ADVICE FOR CREATING BALANCE: I don’t know any parent who has an easy time balancing the different areas of their life. Instead I try to focus on making sure that I spend the bulk of my time doing things that I either truly enjoy or that contribute to my goals.

When one area starts to take over too much, I sit down with my schedule and figure out how to rearrange things and where to cut back.

10. Jamie Pearson — @travelsavvymom — was in Belgium in a hotel dining room when her then 3-year-old daughter threw up. In the mortifying moments that followed, she caught the vomit in her cupped hand, called to the waiter for help, and was (eventually) handed a single paper napkin.

Most parents can relate to such a situation, and if they can’t, they will eventually. Thus the idea for her website Travel Savvy Mom hatched, and she went about creating a website where parents can find kid-and-family friendly hotels worldwide.

JAMIE’S WORDS OF ADVICE: When I was growing up my mother often told me that I could be anything and everything I wanted, just not all at the same time. This is the best advice I ever got.

In addition, she has three points for all traveling parents: 1) Never leave home without peanut butter, 2) No child is too big for a stroller, and 3) Bring plenty of new toys—$50 for three pounds of plastic crap will seem like the deal of the century at 3am in a London hotel.

11. Allison Nazarian — @AllisonNazarian — is a well-known writer, author (OneMinuteCopywriter.com) and consultant who lives in Boca Raton, Florida, with her son, daughter and Black Lab. Read Allison’s truth at www.AllisonNazarian.com.

WHAT ALLISON SAYS ABOUT FINDING BALANCE: I first became a Mom 12 years ago this month. I was and still am what you might call a Control-Freak-Type-A-OverAchiever (I’m in Recovery). I thrive on order and organization and things that are smooth and predictable and controllable. So when my first child was born, you can only imagine my utter inability to make heads or tails of my life. I was overwhelmed and definitely not in control. I was a mess!

I went on to spend years judging myself and my mothering abilities. I was never good enough. Or I worked too much. Or I was not involved in school enough. Or I should have made more nutritious dinners and snacks. Or I should have spent more/less time helping with homework. Or I made a mistake in “forcing” one or the other to do a project themselves instead of taking the easier route and doing it for them (happens all the time … Parents, you know who you are!).

Until, finally, somehow, I realized I was already good enough. I just stopped the constant attack. I was already everything they needed. Even though I make mistakes or curse in front of them or get fast food more than I should or tell them they are on their own with the math homework, I am a great Mom. Just this year, I became a single Mom. My kids’ Dad and I are great friends and great parents together. Being married does not a great parent make, and I resisted my natural urge all year long to feel any guilt or beat myself up over the divorce. We are still a family and always will be. And in the end, the constant quest for balance is more the same than different.

So I am human and messy and imperfect. And I bet you are, too. Yet I am an awesome Mom. And I bet you are, too.

12. Leigh Shulman (that’s me!) – @thefutureisred — spent the last three years traveling with my husband and daughter. In this photo, we went horseback riding in Cafayate, Argentina. It was a five hour ride, and Lila chatted happily away the entire time. You can read more about our travels on my blog The Future Is Red.

MY TIP FOR ACHIEVING BALANCE: I’ve come to the realization that no matter what, there will always be something more, something else, something different. Worry doesn’t help. It only makes you less likely to enjoy the moment.

Aside from that, the best advice I ever got about parenting also relates well to finding balance and in many ways ties in many of the ideas and thoughts of these other parents. Try something. If it doesn’t work, try something else.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION:

Photo by Yatmandu.

Kids have a lot to live up to these days. Gregory Smith, born in 1990, has already won a Nobel Peace Award for his peacekeeping endeavours. Then there’s Akrit Jaswal who performed surgery for the first time at age seven. While most kids are riding around on bicycles and crying over skinned knees, prodigy children are seeking the cure for cancer.

But when did we decide that giving up a childhood is worth the status of being a genius? Irrefutably, children should be educated and encouraged to pursue their interests, and prodigy children require different types of stimulation than other children. But at some point, kids are sacrificing their happiest, most carefree years to ensure a successful future of stressful, occupied years.

The Consequences of Child Success

In The Downside of Being a Prodigy Child, Andrea Sachs points out the ever-increasing pressure on parents to mould their children into outstanding citizens, often causing a sort of “my-child-is-smarter-than-yours” competition among families. In return, these kids develop low-esteem and anxiety issues as they struggle to keep up with their parents’ expectations.

From prenatal education systems like BabyPlus to ridiculous online offers to turn your kid into a genius, there’s as much pressure on children to be achievers as there is for women to be thin.

Photo by Pink Sherbet

How do these children have time to build friendships and develop social skills to accompany their educational endeavours? Where is the value in earning awards and recognition without having anyone there to cheer them on?

Volunteering as a Girl Guider, I’m currently responsible for a group of 15 year old Rangers. These girls – all extremely bright, colorful, mature girls – are so buried in their responsibilities, they barely have time for fun. One girl, for example, has 11 extra-curricular activities, in addition to being on the honour roll and coming home to evenings filled with homework. When I reflect on my own high school experience, I remember slumber parties with my friends and summer days spent poolside, not the part where I poured over math homework every evening. The same people I shared these experiences with are my stable network today.

Kids Need to be Kids

Parents, it is okay to encourage and even push your children in the direction of success by nurturing their talents and abilities. In doing so, you will create an incredibly open-minded, intelligent generation. But let your kids be kids. Allow them to look back on their childhoods and reflect fondly on hide-and-seek, finger-painting and grass-stained jeans. Everyone deserves their childhood.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

Do you think there is too much pressure on children to succeed? Share your comments.

When I first saw this video on YouTube, I thought so what? Then I began reading through the long list of comments to see what people had to say. Some made me smile. Others made me raise an eyebrow or two. Others questioned the war and then were attacked for doing so.

As I read on, though, I found a small window into the life of Lt Schmidt, his wife and his dog extending beyond these few minutes, spanning years to tell the true story of what it means to both go to war and then come home.

Truckdrivah:
OMG I am crying. Truly, dogs (or bitches) are a man’s best friend.

Debby429:
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.

5293278363:
Semper Fi – (do) !

Ltschmidt02:
Gracie is half golden retriever/ half corgi. We saved her from the pound in 2004. She’s sitting at my feet as I type this, begging for cheese and crackers.

Princess8788:
LOL when my husband came back from Iraq the second time. He got out of the truck and his dog launched herself from the ground straight into his arms.

Ltschmidt02:
Gracie is still doing great … she is a hell of a good friend. She is six now and still gets a ton of attention even now that my wife and I have a young son.

Doglover1:
Therefore by the grace of God, goes Dog.

LtSchmidt02:
There are tens of thousands of combat arms soldiers and Marines on their third+ 12 month deployment down range; I’m only gearing up for my second. I don’t want to be made a symbol for something that I don’t deserve to be. You have to be careful, because you have no control when you go on TV unless you are very, very savvy (I am not). Or you get crazy and end up building a UFO weather balloon in your back yard.

Now I have to go change a diaper, then walk Gracie.

sleepyrodent:
I’m sorry if all the attention this clip has received is getting a little overwhelming (I think I’d be a little intimidated too!). It’s really selfless of you to sacrifice a bit of your privacy to make so many people happy with this slice of your life. It gives hope to those of us with loved ones over there that we’ll get to have such a happy reunion.

colodomom:
My husband is a prior enlisted Captain in the Air Force who did some time in Afghanistan.You’re right, the guys deployed for a year or more are heros and so are their wives. I think I know why your video has become so popular. People are aching for a good story. We’ve heard lots of sad stories, lots of heroic stories, but I think people are looking for a simple, happy story. Thanks to you and your family for giving that to us. Best wishes and stay safe.

Ltschmidt02:
I have been activated again. Bummer. I am going back to Afghanistan soon for six months. Maybe there will be another video of Grace and me in 2011.

Because you never appreciate how much you love home as when you know you’re leaving.

We look forward to your next homecoming video, Ltschmidt02. This next one will be even sweeter, and perhaps more private, as you’re greeted by your wife, child and, of course, Grace.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

Why do you think people have had such a strong reaction to this video? And should we perhaps leave him alone now?

Feature photo:Jakesmome. Above by author.

I GAVE BIRTH to my first child 18 months after returning from a year-long round-the-world trip. Both experiences dramatically changed my life. Travel, particularly travelling alone, is one of the most daunting – and rewarding – things I’ve ever done.

It’s scary, expensive and time consuming. Sometimes I wondered why the hell I signed up for it, but in the end, I was glad I did it. The same goes for the plunge into parenthood.

There are plenty other parallels between the two.

Packing

From the moment you make your list of what to include in your hospital bag, your life as a parent centers on packing. Diapers, wipes, snacks, toys. And while the traveler’s mantra is “pack what you think you’re going to need, then halve it,” the parent’s becomes “pack what you think you’re going to need, then triple it. And don’t forget the wipes.”

Gadgets

My favorite part of travel is the gadgets: pocket knives with eighteen different attachments, a cutlery set that clips together and compresses itself to the size of a matchbox. As soon as you have your first baby, a whole new world of gadgets opens up. Fold-up changing pad and plastic sippy cup with snack compartment attached, anyone?

Advice (Usually Unsolicited)

How many times have you been on the receiving end? You’re going to [insert well-known tourist destination here]? Don’t bother, it’s totally ruined. You should go to [insert slightly less tramped country here]. That’s the real [insert travel experience].’ Once you have children, advice hemorrhages from people’s mouths at an even greater rate. Now, it’s ‘Oh really, you let them watch TV? You do know it stunts their growth and turns them into career criminals?’ You learn to ignore what you don’t need and incorporate what works for you.

Meeting New People

Travelling alone, you have to ignore your butterfly stomach and just say hello to a total stranger. What you find is everyone is in the same boat, and most times you’re welcomed with open arms. Walking into your first mother-baby group, your nervous system will jump and bump with the same intensity. And again, you’ll be delighted to meet others who know exactly what you’re going through. Soon enough, you’ll find yourself sharing intimate physical details of which even your gynecologist is unaware.

The Immune System

Ever slept in a hostel where you suspected the bedding hadn’t been changed in a month?

Photo by Mckaysavage

Ever sipped from a beer mug you thought frosted but turns out it wasn’t? These all stand you in good stead once your kid starts toddling through your local park, picking up pieces of garbage, cigarette butts and even dog poo that they then give to you with a smile.

In all these ways, travel has made me a happier parent. When you find yourself lost and alone in Phnom Penh after dark or cooking meals on a camping stove from the few ingredients you have on hand, you soon learn not to sweat the small stuff. You learn to decipher what is truly a big problem and what is something you can accomplish easily by relying on your own ingenuity.

Feature image by Chris P Jobling. Photo above by AngelsWings’

In a recent New York Times blog, Tim Kreider wrote about something he called ‘The Referendum’, which, succinctly put, is your defense of the major life decisions that you have made: marriage or no marriage, children or no children, career or no career.

To that list I would add to travel or not to travel.

As a recently married person, new to mid-life, and perhaps vaguely entering my first real crisis of conscience, I know exactly what he is talking about. I feel young at 40, and I suppose as newlyweds we feel younger than most, but those creeping question of starting a family begin to take hold like hyperactive vines rising out of the soil in some low-budget science fiction flick.

We have felt wondrously gluttonous this year after a destination wedding followed by trips to Palm Springs, California, Costa Rica and Ireland, while friends and family are busy having babies or are already raising families. We look out the window at them from our taxiing plane and wonder how they handle the late-night feedings, the extra work and, in essence, the tedium. Is it worth it? Are we doing the right thing or are we just selfish. Greedy. Irresponsible, even?

Making Your Choices

We have married travel as much as we have married each other,

Photo by hapal

because we always knew that travel would be a staple of our life together. More important than a house or an expensive car or children, and we have made our own sacrifices in order to travel.

I’m not suggesting travel with children is impossible, but perhaps it is too much for us to handle at this point, or ever. Of course people take family trips all the time. It’s just that family trips, by their nature, are just, well, different. Are they better? That is the nagging question I cannot answer. Perhaps they see us as unfortunately grounded while they fly into uncharted territory, growing and experiencing the world together.

But what is travel if not the thrill of decision-making? Of course, in choosing your particular spot, you will be not-choosing others, which will cause you to inherit the grief of the road not taken. You will be asked at the end: “Oh did you hike  ____  mountain when you were in ____?  Or “My God, did you take that wild ride down the ___ on the way to ____”

“No, we didn’t,” you’ll say, and then you can smile as you remember what you did instead.

Feature photo & photo above: modenadude

After a recent appointment with my midwife, I stopped by a neighborhood bookstore to browse baby books. Though it’s currently in a box in my mother’s garage, I cherish my baby book, with its pages of my mom’s neat script documenting our family history and the months leading up to my adoption.

As a writer, it’s important to me that my husband and I do the same for our daughter.

I expected to find a handful of baby books, but times have changed since I toddled around in cloth diapers. Today, there are baby books for moms and dads, grandmothers and grandfathers, adoptive parents, and blended families. There are baby books organized around religious or ethnic identities, scrapbook kits, and books in multiple languages.

I bought my book (and one for my mother, Granny-to-be). Though I’ve been filling it out dutifully, I’ve come up with four other projects to welcome our baby to the world– ideas that any parent can appropriate and modify for their own family.

1. Make a time capsule.

Though many modern baby books include lots of room for photos, clippings, and other flat, paper-based ephemera, you may have objects you’d like to include that won’t fit between the pages of a baby book. A time capsule is one way to store those three-dimensional objects that have become important props in your family’s story.

Photo: MQuimayousie

Choose an appropriate container for these special items and start filling it. You can even start early in your pregnancy, collecting objects throughout the nine months you’re waiting to meet your baby.

You don’t actually have to bury the time capsule– just find some way to seal it and decide when you’ll be sharing it with your child.

What do you put in it? That depends on you, but some ideas might include your favorite music, a newspaper from the day of your child’s birth, your favorite piece of maternity wear, or a book you enjoyed reading during pregnancy.

You may also want to invite friends and family members to contribute to the time capsule.

2. Make a video of your partner.

My husband was born and raised in Cuba and came to the U.S. as a refugee on a boat. His entire family remains in Cuba. He fought in the war in Angola, he co-owned a hair salon (?!) in Boston, he had some sort of stake in a night club where Celia Cruz once performed… you get the idea: the guy has lots of interesting stories.

They’re stories that I could retell our daughter, but I’d rather she hear them from him. To get them on video and keep them as one record of our family story is a project I’m working on.

If you’re a single mom expecting a child, forget the partner bit. Make a video of your parents, grandparents, or other relatives. Ask questions for which you’ve always wanted to know the answers.

And no matter what your circumstances, make sure you shoot some footage of the places that are important to you, too.

Not too handy with the video camera? Matador contributing editor Josh Johnson offers plenty of tips to get you started.

3. Sign up for Upromise.

I promised myself I’d get rid of paper and electronic clutter by cutting out programs and memberships, but Upromise seems too good to pass up.

Upromise is a program that lets you sock away money for your baby’s future college tuition with minimal effort. By installing a Upromise toolbar on your computer, Upromise lets you know when you’re visiting a website or making a purchase from a retailer that participates in their service. When that’s the case, you’ll get 1-25% of the purchase cost diverted into an electronic savings account.

If you’re already buying airplane tickets from Expedia or making other online purchases, then you’re likely to be able to save up a bit without much extra effort. You can also invite friends and family to install the Upromise toolbar and designate their purchase percentages to be directed to your baby’s account.

The cost of college isn’t going to get any cheaper, folks. Every little bit might help.

4. Have an alternative shower.

Someone needs a bib. It’s just not you. Photo: madenadude

Say you’re on your second (or third, or…) baby. You’ve got plenty of clothes, bottles, toys, and baby gear from your first child and the thought of a shower just makes you crazy: Where will you put all these new gifts and will you even use them?

There are lots of parents and babies who could use that stuff, though. Some of them are far, far away and some of them are in your own community.

Let your friends know that you’d welcome a shower, on the condition that all gifts be bought for a baby in greater need than your own. The celebration for your baby will be all the sweeter knowing that you’ve made a difference in someone else’s life.

Let the hostess of the shower know where you’d like to donate the gifts so guests can select presents appropriately. Some recipient ideas include domestic violence shelters, local social service organizations, or international NGOs, such as Matador member Misty Tosh’s 4th World Love.

Community Connection:

Share your family ideas with us in the comments below!

Photo: jordanfischer

Family vacation is supposed to be fun. For parents, though, worries about money may eclipse the joy of seeing their kids experience new places.

It’s easy to go over budget on vacation. If you’re headed to DisneyWorld, you’ve probably already budgeted tickets for your family of four (two parents and two kids over age 10): $300.00 for one day admission. But did you figure in the refreshments, souvenirs, and photos your kids will beg you to buy while you’re in the Magic Kingdom?

Saving money takes some creative planning, but it doesn’t have to be complicated and it definitely doesn’t have to take away from the fun.

Here are 8 ideas for saving money on your family vacation:

Photo: dMap Travel Guide

1. Bring the fun with you.

If your family loves outdoor activities, gear rentals can tack on hundreds of extra dollars over the course of a seven day vacation.

Skip that expense altogether by bringing your own gear: bikes, snorkels, rollerblades, surfboards, and sand pails and shovels.

Plan your vacation around activities you already love; you won’t need gear or instruction. The adventure is experiencing it all in a new place.

2. Choose family friendly destinations.

They don’t get much better than Washington, D.C., where you could easily plan seven full days worth of activities that wouldn’t cost a dime. And the cool factor of the Smithsonian and surrounding museums has been amplified by their appearance in recent films, including “National Treasure.”

Photo: lepiaf.geo

Beyond the US capital, however, there are other cities that are often overlooked on family vacations. New Orleans is one. Generally seen as a stop for Spring Breakers, New Orleans has even more to offer families, including the Louisiana Children’s Museum and the Audobon Insectarium, which is just one year old.

3. Play in the city; sleep outside of the city.

Cities provide fantastic opportunities for families to have lots of different experiences in a single, compact place: new foods, museums, performances, and historic sites among them.

They’re also budget-killers when it comes time to lay your head down for the night. A recent Expedia search for hotels in New York City (2 adults/2 kids) for July 21-25 retrieved results averaging $195 per night, before taxes.

By comparison, hotels in Yonkers, just 30 minutes north of the city, were at least $30 cheaper on average. In Paramus, New Jersey, a search on Econo Lodge® and Rodeway Inn® hotels retrieved averages that could save you even more.

Sleeping outside of the city or in the suburbs can save a significant chunk of cash.

4. Don’t take your car to the city.

If you do choose to stay in the suburbs or outside of the city, consider leaving your car at the hotel and taking a bus or other public transportation option into the city.

Even with a family of four, public transportation is likely to be cheaper than the combined costs of tolls and parking fees. In large metropolitan cities, you can easily run up a parking tab that exceeds $100 for 8 hours, and that’s before you add the attendant’s tip.

5. Reserve in advance and always ask about family discounts.

Once you’ve selected your destination, do some advance planning.

Photo: hectorir

Do your kids really want to see a Broadway show? Find out when the cheapest seats are available (generally Tuesday and Thursday nights and Wednesday matinees).

No matter where you’re going or what you’re doing, always ask about family discounts. Many attractions offer such discounts but don’t advertise them.

It never hurts for you to ask.

6. Build your vacation around a family volunteer experience.

With the increasing popularity of voluntourism, there are more opportunities than ever for you to have a vacation that’s equal parts fun and meaningful. Try rescuing loggerhead turtles on Pritchard’s Island, South Carolina or building houses for families in need on the Gulf Coast. Whatever your interests are or whatever values you’d like to teach your kids, there’s a volunteer project to match them.

Often, voluntourism opportunities come with other cost-savings built in. Some include accommodations that are either free or deeply discounted. Some many even include food. Be sure to check the specific terms of the option you choose before you arrive.

7. Skip souvenirs.

Before you leave home, let your kids know you won’t be buying dust collectors they’ll forget about five minutes after the cashier has handed you a receipt.

Instead, give your kids a journal, a glue stick, and some colored pencils before the trip—maybe even a disposable camera—and encourage them to collect items along the way they can add to their trip journal. Menus and admissions tickets are just two items that are tangible memories of a fun family trip. Try to build in time and opportunities each day for them to add to their journal.

Photo: theritters

If you just can’t bring yourself to cut out souvenirs, look for items with special and lasting significance.

If you’re visiting any of the 400 National Parks sites in the United States, the Passport to Your National Parks is a perfect souvenir that kids can keep for years.

8. Start saving for next year now.

Help your kids learn about what goes into getting ready for a trip—including budgeting—by making the vacation planning process a family project.

Call a family meeting and decide where you want to go next year. Depending on your kids’ ages, have them research destinations, activities, and costs. And involve them in saving money for the trip. Set up a spare change jar, where family members can contribute their pocket change to next year’s vacation. As the jar fills up, let them count the change and keep track of the growing funds.

Community Connection:

Need some inspiration on where to take your family trip? Check out Photo Essay: Readers’ Favorite Family Vacation Destinations.

And all you kids out there will definitely want to read up on 10 Reasons to Travel with Your Parents as an Adult.

Photo: notsogoodphotography

I was on a press trip in St. Kitts when the thought that I might be pregnant occurred to me.

I got home, took a pregnancy test, confirmed my hunch, and began remapping my life as a traveler and travel writer.

The travel wouldn’t–couldn’t–stop, that much I knew. I’d been traveling forever and had never viewed pregnancy as a show-stopper in any aspect of my life.

By month two, I was in Brazil (during Carnaval, no less). After that, it was off to Mexico, Puerto Rico, and home to New York City.

The author goofing off at airport, 6.5 months pregnant

I’ve just crossed the seven month mark. Later this week, I’m headed to South Carolina and back to Puerto Rico, where I’ll be working on a guidebook assignment.

Along the way, I’ve learned that among the many lessons of pregnancy there’s a whole chapter on travel. It’s not something your doctor or midwife is likely to discuss with you unless you bring up your travel plans and questions.

What follows is not intended to replace medical advice, but to serve as a guide for you to get the care you need by learning how to ask the right questions and plan for certain changes.

1. Let your provider know that travel is important to you.

You’ll have lots of questions at the beginning of your pregnancy, especially if this is your first child. Among the many issues you should address with your doctor or midwife are any travel plans you already have or any you’re likely to make. Your provider will be able to tell you whether you can travel, when, and up to what point during your pregnancy.

Don’t rely upon friends who have been pregnant to counsel you: whether you can travel and when is largely dependent upon the specific circumstances of your pregnancy. Some women are considered to have high risk pregnancies and will have medically indicated reasons why they can’t travel. Your provider will monitor you throughout your pregnancy to assess your risk; if you plan to travel extensively or frequently, be sure to ask your provider to keep you abreast of any changes in your risk profile.

2. Respect your body’s changes.

Pregnancy is a physically powerful experience from beginning to end, and each trimester offers you the chance to get to know your body in a new way.

In my first trimester, I was frequently sick and was more inclined to nest at home than to go out exploring. I already had a few trips planned, though, and I was reluctant to cancel them. Instead, I learned to respect my new pace. I didn’t force myself to take advantage of every experience as I might under other circumstances.

Photo: dizznbonn

During my second trimester, I was blissed out– feeling energetic, healthy, and adventurous. Toward the end of month six, though, I began noticing that my feet and ankles swelled after lots of walking; it was time to intersperse activity with periods of feet-up resting.

Your body’s changes will be unique to you, but will certainly affect your travels, from what you eat to what you need to pack and how you’ll travel (you won’t, for instance, be hauling around a heavy pack). You may notice, as I did, that your beloved pair of tennis shoes or hiking boots no longer fit, and your feet take up residence in sandals for three months. Don’t resist the physical changes; adjust to them accordingly.

3. Realize that an emergency plan is more important than ever.

It’s always a good idea to have an emergency plan in place when you travel, but it’s even more important when you’re pregnant.

Does your insurance cover you abroad or do you have adequate travel insurance? Where is the nearest provider or hospital, what are the services available, and in what kind of setting are they performed? Where can you get medicine if you need it, and how much will it cost? How would you get home quickly in the event of an emergency? And–critically–can you communicate in the local language?

Now is not the time to take that remote Himalayan trek or to climb the pyramids in Mexico.

4. Recognize that the rules change.

I’m headed to Puerto Rico next week; I’ve already bought my ticket. Imagine my surprise when a nurse friend said, “Are you sure the airline will let you travel?” After a moment of full-on flip out, I did a quick Internet search to review the airline’s policy for pregnant travelers.

Yes, there is such a thing.

Policies vary from one airline to another, though the general rule on flights originating in the United States is that no woman within seven days of her due date is allowed to travel by air. Some airlines restrict third trimester travel and require a letter of authorization from the woman’s health care provider before she’ll be cleared to board. Be prepared, though- these travel authorizations generally need to be signed within 72 hours (no earlier!) of your departure day.

It’s a good idea to have multiple copies of the letter (one for the return trip, at least, just in case the airline lost your original), as well as a printed copy of the airline’s policy for pregnant travelers. Don’t wait until you get to the airport to cry foul with an agent who is telling you something different from what you read on the airline’s website.

5. Prepare for your little traveler.

Photo: jessicafm

During the last couple months of pregnancy, you may find yourself itching to be on the road. But when it’s time for you to hunker down until your due date (and in the last two months of pregnancy, you’ll likely have medical appointments every two weeks), use the time to research infant travel regulations, passport application requirements for babies, or to put your creativity to work on a journal of all the places you’ve been while you were pregnant.

Community Connection:

Once your baby’s born and you’ve settled into a new routine, be sure to consult Deanna Niles McConnell’s article, “Backpacking After Baby” for some practical travel tips.

Are we having fun yet?! Photo: GraceFamily

As our camper rounded a curve on a mountain roadway somewhere in the U.S. Rockies, my parents called back to me to look at the snow-capped peak that had come into view. The white mountain top on that summer day must have been a captivating sight.

But it paled in comparison to the installment of the The Lord of the Rings trilogy I was reading. “Cool,” I shouted over the din of rattling pots and pans as I tried to focus on a paragraph that would reveal Frodo’s fate.

I was 11 or 12 years old and we were making our annual trip from New York to California. During the months my brother and I were in school, my parents rented a cottage with a stunning view of Long Island’s Hempstead Harbor. When summer arrived, the landlord moved back into the house and we hit the road. This arrangement worked for my parents because they were both professors and classes didn’t start again until after Labor Day.

During the three or four years we lived this way, we visited nearly every state in the U.S. and all the provinces in Canada. We saw many of the major tourist attractions in both countries.

Forced Exile

Photo: Amir Fathi

But much of this was probably wasted on me. Instead of looking at our annual trips as an adventure, I saw them as periods of forced exile from time spent playing with neighborhood friends. This semi-nomadic lifestyle wasn’t my idea. I had to go along with it because I was a kid.

As an adult, I’ve developed a decidedly different attitude about travel than my parents. For one thing, I’ve sworn off driving anywhere in a camper. Much to my wife’s chagrin, the idea of visiting most places within U.S. seems mundane.

I’ve always felt guilty about my ambivalence toward my childhood travel experiences. But that’s begun to abate now that I have kids of my own. It seems almost certain they’ll reject many of the core elements of my travel philosophy.

This evolutionary process reminds me of the book The Corrections, the 2001 critically acclaimed novel that depicts the lives of three siblings who are bent on living an entirely different life than that of their parents. In doing so, they each make an opposite set of choices with even more disastrous consequences.

Travel Philosophy

Like the siblings in The Corrections, my parent’s attitude about travel has always been a foil for my own, with both good and bad results.

During my college years and young adulthood, I shunned the idea of traveling almost anywhere. I took comfort in the predictable routine that comes with staying at home. When I did go somewhere, it was usually a short trip to the beach or a visit to a friend’s house a few states away. For most of this period I focused on my career and young children. But looking back, I regret the missed opportunities, especially when I was in college.

Now that I’ve reached my 40s, I’m more interested in traveling. This is partly because it’s easier. My kids are older and my wife and I are more settled in our careers. In the past few years, we’ve taken two great trips to Costa Rica and Mexico.

Our kids will likely have their own set of “corrections.”

The Next Generation

Photo: Beard Papa

Before our trip to Mexico a few weeks ago, our eight-year old son worried about whether it would be safe and fretted about missing two swim meets. Our thirteen-year old daughter seemed excited about going to the beach in Puerto Vallarta, but was less enthusiastic about spending time in landlocked Guadalajara.

As expected, they complained the most while visiting the plazas, churches, and museums in Guadalajara. Our son liked the “Mexican rodeo” we saw there, but our daughter–an avid horse lover–could have done without it. They both liked spending time on the beach in Puerto Vallarta. But they were far less enthusiastic during our evening walks into town.

A few days after returning home, I overheard each of them telling their grandparents how much fun they had throughout the whole trip.

Whether they realize it or not, my kids are in the process of developing their own travel philosophies. For better or worse, what they come up with will likely be decidedly different from their parents’.

Community Connection:

If you’re a new parent considering traveling with your infant for the first time, read some knowing advice in “Backpacking After Baby.”

Photo: gregor_y

A lot of people believe parenthood is the end of the party. The needs of a tiny person can be overwhelming, and it often feels easier to just never leave the house. There’s all that stuff that babies need (or we’re told that babies need), and you hate the idea of traveling with more than just a backpack and a smile.

But there’s no need to let your new addition keep you home. Quite the contrary: babies are portable and often don’t need as much stuff as you’d think. We traveled with our 10-week old daughter Maggie, had a delightful time, and only took one additional piece of luggage–her car seat.

Here are five tips to get you ready for traveling again:

1. Leave the stroller and portable crib at home.

Photo: dougbelshaw

Strollers can be bulky, hard to navigate through crowds, they certainly don’t work on hikes, and some smaller attractions might have you check them at the door. And those pack-and-play cribs are a heavy, cumbersome joke.

Instead, wrap baby-wearing carriers–long cloth pieces that can be tied and configured however you need–let you pop your baby in and out whenever you happen upon a place you want to see. If you’re skilled at transitions, you can move them into the carrier without waking them from naps. And if you wear the baby in the correct position in a wrap or sling, you can discreetly sneak in a feeding.

As for sleeping, call ahead to see if your hotel/hostel/B&B might have a pop up crib you can borrow. We used an infant travel bed, which folded up and fit right into our main backpack. Co-sleeping is also a great way to save space, provided you can do so safely.

2. Plan to do a little laundry.

We use cloth diapers, which sound like a traveler’s nightmare until you realize how handy a clean cloth diaper can be. They take care of spit up, make great padding for fragile objects, and do double-duty in a first aid kit if you need to apply pressure.

That said, babies do leak an extraordinary amount of goo, and you should scope out the local laundry options. This is also a great way to meet and get to know locals–babies attract attention, and if you can use your baby’s friendly smiles to start a conversation, you can ask the local opinion on things that aren’t covered in the guide book.

3. Go slow and do your homework.

Photo: Kyle L.

We planned light daily itineraries with ample opportunities for hanging out in parks and feedings. We were pleasantly surprised when our daughter proved to be fairly hardy and we were able to pack more into the day. Respect your baby’s needs: if you have a rough baby day, you aren’t disappointed that you weren’t able to do all you wanted, and if you have a good baby day, you get to do more than you thought.

Check to see what your urgent care options are. And for nursing moms: read up on local delicacies and start to incorporate new foods into your diet before you leave. Vacation is a bad time to discover that a new dish bothers baby’s belly.

4. Use what you already have.

Got lightweight camping towels? Don’t bring extra spit up rags or blankets. A camp towel takes up little space and quickly washes up if it gets stained. And if your baby is overstimulated by the new locale and needs to be swaddled to calm down, they make an excellent large swaddling blanket–that camp towel brought us from five-alarm baby meltdown to seven blissful hours of sleep within five minutes.

Do you take a water bladder system in your backpack? Use it to store fresh water for bottles if you bottle-feed. You already take a day pack with you–repack it to serve as a diaper bag. Don’t buy into the idea that everything you use for baby has to be new, pastel, and sold by Babies ‘R Us–you’ll pack less and enjoy more.

5. Keep a journal.

Sharing the world beyond your hometown with your child is a major moment for new parents. Don’t let sleep deprivation keep you from remembering every moment.

Community Connection:

While the advice here is geared toward practical tips for traveling with an infant, Janice Stringer offers 10 considerations for traveling with toddlers and older kids. If you’re wondering why you should travel with your kids, Kate Sedgwick offers seven reasons.

Photo by Niko Villegas

Drop Bombs Elsewhere

You’ve downed the seafood platter at The Chowder Pot and important body parts have gone off autopilot. Make for the lobby bathroom instead of the place where you might have shower sex in two hours.

Alone Time

The brochure pictures are a lie. You cannot spend seven days on a beach, looking suggestively at your girlfriend’s lips. Agreeing to a break in the day will probably come as a welcome relief to her as well – she was hoping to take a long bath and shave her legs anyway.

Be A Little Silly

Suggest picking the ugliest car in the rental lot. Walk through Disney playing a game of “Is he gay or just German?” Romance isn’t all flowers – it’s remembering the spark that you had before the dog started sleeping in your bed.

Guidebook Highlights

Take two highlighters along for the trip, one color for each of you. Go nuts on the guidebook with your color and have Lewis mark the things that he’s interested in. Overlap makes for easy planning, as well as a good chance to re-learn the color wheel.

Be Aware Of Annoying Ticks In Tedious Scenarios

The bus is crowded, your pits are wet and you just want to be back in your room. Prime Time Cranky. Your boyfriend Brett breaks into a fit of whistling, breaking out a Creedence medley right there in 16B. You keep quiet but add this to column of negatives that you’ll save for tomorrow’s overdue vacation fight.

“Whatever You Want To Do”

The kiss of death for anyone in a relationship that is not dominated by one Type A: How many couples have had dinners full of silent resentment because one person didn’t say that there just weren’t in the f’ing mood for f’ing Mexican again?

Stories, please! Maybe share a little dirt? We’re curious about what things drive have driven you to “the bad place” on vacation, as well as any advice that you can offer for going into a trip with your +1.

Photo by germanyengland. Feature image by sixintheworld.

My eight year old daughter went on her first plane trip at eight weeks. My six year old son has been to Mexico six times. As a family, we take three or four plane trips a year, not to mention several weekend getaways. We’ve traveled by plane, train, houseboat, ferry, and car (15+ hours from Colorado to California; thank God for portable DVD players).

On our vacations, my kids have come down with croup and motion sickness (read: vomit at 30,000 feet). They’ve been stung by jellyfish. They’ve gotten freakish blistery sunburns after sticking their hands in cups of lemonade and then playing on the beach (something about the strength of citrus south of the border…).

But my children have also been exposed to different cultures, eaten varied foods, learned important travel etiquette (You can only ask “Are we there yet?” once a day; Don’t kick the plane seat in front of you.), and, most importantly, spent time with Mom and Dad.

To me, that’s what family vacations are all about—no work, no school, no computer, no housework, no errands, no carpooling… just a focus on the family.

It doesn’t matter if we’re jumping from bed to bed in a $39-a-night hotel room in Nevada, eating lobster in New England, building sand castles in Hawaii, or standing in line at Sea World; we’re together, we’re having fun, we’re—dare I use a couple of the most over-used terms in parenting today?—bonding with some good, old-fashioned quality time.

And I love it.

Start Them Young

Photo by a4gpa

If you’re expecting a child and wondering whether toting a baby along on your backpacking adventures through Europe is going to cramp your style, I’m here to tell you it will.

The concept of independent travel as you know it will change drastically when you’ve got an infant strapped to your chest and you’re touring the Louvre, sampling tapas in Spain, or admiring the scenery in Ireland.

But don’t let that stop you!

In fact, the baby stage is a brilliant time to travel, whether it’s an overseas trek or a weekend trip to Grandma’s, since infants are so portable and they sleep in front-packs or strollers (all the better for enjoying a quiet café meal, just the two of you).

Babies also make great ambassadors, especially in foreign countries where you don’t know the language. Young children are magnets for friendly waitstaff, shopkeepers, and other kids.

If you do plan to raise worldly children, you may as well get them accustomed to the concept of different time zones, trying new foods, and sleeping in strange beds early in their lives.

You just need to keep a few things in mind:

Take it slow.

The pace of your days will decrease considerably when you need to take into account diaper changes, toddler naps, lengthy meals (“Just one more bite of banana, please!”) and other detours for kid fun.

Trying to hit three restaurants, two museums, a park and a shopping area in one day with a child in tow will be a frustrating exercise at best. Think about what you’d have done before kids, and then cut your itinerary in half.

Be flexible.

Recognize that your already shortened itinerary just might be thrown out the window if you wake up to a cranky preschooler or a baby who has developed diaper rash overnight. Travel with kids is an exercise in “going with the flow.” Rigid schedules that don’t take into account the uncertain nature of young children just aren’t going to work anymore.

Strike a balance.

On our family trips, we remind the kids that we’re all in this together and we’re going to do some things that appeal more to Mom and Dad, and some activities that are just for them.

Since they were toddlers, we’ve planned days that might include a morning at a playground or a visit to the make-your-own-sundae place. You can use these kid-focused activities to “buy time” for taking a hike, hitting local stores, and eating at a sophisticated sit-down restaurant.

This teaches children to be accommodating and try new things – things they may actually like!

Photo by sixintheworld

Reap the benefits.

Bringing your children along can mean extra work and extra expense, but the benefits are undoubtedly worth it. As they grow older, and life at home is filled with school and work obligations, escaping on vacation together is one way to reconnect as a family.

Once they’re school-age, they’ll be introduced to different cultures and foods, learning so much more than if they’d simply read about the locales in textbooks.

Plus, family trips help create amazing memories. Years and even decades after family vacations, your children will still be able to tell funny stories about the time that Dad tried surfing in Hawaii, or when Grandma climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Introduce the concept of traveling to your young children now, and they’ll grow up understanding that there is a huge world outside of their hometown. They’ll have firsthand experiences that they can take with them to college and beyond, and then pass down their love of travel to their own children and grandchildren!

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

For more on families and travel, check out Six in the World: One Family’s Adventure Across Six Continents, Why I Disobeyed My Family and Traveled the World, or 10 Reasons to Travel with your Parents as an Adult.