New Dating Website Helps Decide If You’re Beautiful

11/12/09  Print This Post Print This Post    22 Comments   Popular   Written by Leigh Shulman
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Feature photo by Breathindigital. Above photo by Tambako

Want to be beautiful and fall in love with other beautiful people across the world? Check out this new, fabulous dating website and be part of the beautiful elite. There is, however, one catch.

According to statistics provided by the dating website Beautiful People – where you must be rated by other members and found attractive enough to join – the British are uglier than pretty much anyone else on the planet.

Yes, the Polish, Russians and Germans seem to give the British a run for their money, but British topped the pops as not only being dipped in a bath of fug, they are truly beyond repulsive. A whopping 85% percent of British women and 90% of British men were rejected by members of the opposite sex for inclusion in the dating pool.

Even the British seem to agree.

Says RickyBee in a comment to a similar story on TVNZ:

We’re mostly heinous. It’s a combination of things: our miserable faces, horrific school food, the weather, an addiction to out of town shopping malls, scraped up dog-burgers, chips, litres of coke, complaining, a big streak of nastiness and stupid hair”

Or as Matador’s resident Brit Paul Sullivan says, “I am a dirty minger.”

Leave it to the British to come up with a word for ugly that comes from the Gaelic word for septic vagina.

Binge Drinking A Recurring Problem

Looking more deeply into the problem, it may also have to do with the massive binge drinking the British have so desperately tried to eradicate in recent years by closing pubs early or banning loud music

Not simply because of the toll consistent binge drinking takes on the body or the many nights spent face down in a ditch, but because Britain is a country with a permanent case of beer goggles. There’s no real need for Britons to spruce up their appearance in order to, as we Americans like to say, get some.

How Can You Be One of Them?

To see what the British are up against, I took a quick mosey off to Beautiful People and browsed through photo after photo of the most beautiful people in the world in order to devise a few tips to help you gain acceptance into this elite club.

For Men: All photos should be shirtless with rippling chest shaved and well greased. Always pose with the ever attractive “thumbs up” sign.

For women: Your breasts or hair – whichever feature is better — should be the main focus of your photo. Make sure to pout for the camera.

Both sexes can be greatly helped by wearing sunglasses or making sure photos are slightly blurry and taken only from the neck up.

Oh yes, and one final tip? Don’t be British.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION

The definition of beauty changes greatly from person to person. It can be mind over matter. Or beauty can be best when at its most pure and natural. Other times, our attempts to make ourselves more beautiful backfire, and we find the opposite of what we want.

What does beauty mean to you?


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About the Author

Matador ID: thefutureisred

Leigh moves around a lot. She's lived in five countries and spent the last three years traveling with her husband Noah and daughter Lila. For now, she's finding home in Salta, Argentina where she writes, teaches and is taking a deep breath before the next move. You can read more about her travels on her blog.

22 Comments... join the discussion!

  • Paul Sullivan replied on November 12, 2009

    Hahahahahahaha –> “Britain is a country with a permanent case of beer goggles.” SO TRUE!

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  • Candice replied on November 12, 2009

    Hahahah Leigh, this was hysterical. At least they have the sexy accent, gets me every time.

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  • Candice replied on November 12, 2009

    Oh, I particularly enjoy the bottom of the website where it says “Too ugly to sign up? Browse!”

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    • Leigh Shulman replied to Candice on November 12, 2009

      I guess they’re expecting stupid and impressionable to be part of the make-up of their demographic?

      Hey, I’m not ugly. I’m gonna sign up! But wait, I’m married. Oh well.

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  • Christine replied on November 12, 2009

    “Not only being dipped in a bath of fug”…you had me rolling! This was a fantastic article. Now, I HAVE to check out the site!

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    • Christine replied to Christine on November 12, 2009

      Damn, I guess there are too many beautiful people in the world, or ugly ones trying to take a look. Can’t get on because servers overloaded.

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  • Abbie replied on November 12, 2009

    My favorite from the home screen is – “No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites.”

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    • Leigh Shulman replied to Abbie on November 12, 2009

      This made me think of the Family Guy episode where Peter gets plastic surgery and becomes a Beautiful Person. Then all of a sudden, everyone starts treating him better, different. He’s sent to the front of lines in grocery stores, has access to special clubs.

      Doesn’t have to mix with the ugly riff raff.

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  • Michelle replied on November 12, 2009

    Leigh, this was hysterical!!! Holy crap.

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    • Leigh Shulman replied to Michelle on November 12, 2009

      Aww.. thanks Michelle. And everyone. This was fun to write. That website is just too much!

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  • XtremXpert replied on November 12, 2009

    hahahaha…..this is one of the funniest articles from matador…\
    “http://matadortravel.com/travel-community/xtremxpert” – true, want to see the beautiful ones, but need to wait, they have “too much traffic” :p

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  • Carlo replied on November 12, 2009

    Nice one Leigh! Among my fave lines…”or the many nights spent face down in a ditch”. Hilarious.

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  • Julie replied on November 12, 2009

    What Michelle said. This had me laughing out loud.

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  • SamMenked@gmail.com replied on November 13, 2009

    Man, there is NOTHING hotter than a man giving a thumbs up sign. Makes me melt every time.

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  • AdventureRob replied on November 13, 2009

    Go the Brits! As usual these days we fail at everything :-D

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  • Turner replied on November 16, 2009

    I’ll definitely check it out in a bit. Made me think of a book on the nature of desire – I wonder if there’s a growing trend for men to feel inadequate about their appearance based on this ideal male physique promoted in magazines, websites, and especially from other women. It’s been proven women definitely are, for the most part.

    Family Guy aside, I really think there are beautiful people clubs out there, just without labels.

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  • Katie. S replied on March 20, 2010

    I was voted on to that site, and they’re all snobs and super self absorbed.
    In other words… if you don’t get accepted who care, beauty isn’t just an image
    which clearly most of the people on BP haven’t discovered yet ;)

    Ta-ta!

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  • Natasha replied on March 29, 2010

    I’d agree that many countries have far more hotties per square mile than the UK. But damn we make good cakes.

    John Cleese of Monty Python (odd to look at but very funny) once said: An Englishman would rather admit that he’s bad in bed than that he has no sense of humour”.

    So there you have it. We might be a nation of mingers but when your best bits have gone south and your hair line has migrated north, we’ll still be able to make you laugh. Take that Beautiful People.

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  • Carlo replied on April 27, 2010

    @Natasha That is so funny. And is why I love Brits so. Regardless of their fugliness.

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  • Sam replied on May 27, 2010

    better ugly than chronically obese…. ;-)

    luckily for me, i’m British and neither.

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  • iraglasses replied on June 16, 2010

    HAHA their website is chronically down! Guess “beautiful people” can’t figure out how to make a website that runs on Firefox, an OPEN-SOURCE browser!

    I was voted into this shit but jesus the site is never up! I mean once a week! Gah! Get some smart people in there. Beautiful jerks aren’t cutting it! And i will be damned if I am using IE to access anything!

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