Feature photo by Breathindigital. Above photo by Tambako
Want to be beautiful and fall in love with other beautiful people across the world? Check out this new, fabulous dating website and be part of the beautiful elite. There is, however, one catch.
According to statistics provided by the dating website Beautiful People – where you must be rated by other members and found attractive enough to join – the British are uglier than pretty much anyone else on the planet.
Yes, the Polish, Russians and Germans seem to give the British a run for their money, but British topped the pops as not only being dipped in a bath of fug, they are truly beyond repulsive. A whopping 85% percent of British women and 90% of British men were rejected by members of the opposite sex for inclusion in the dating pool.
Even the British seem to agree.
Says RickyBee in a comment to a similar story on TVNZ:
We’re mostly heinous. It’s a combination of things: our miserable faces, horrific school food, the weather, an addiction to out of town shopping malls, scraped up dog-burgers, chips, litres of coke, complaining, a big streak of nastiness and stupid hair”
Or as Matador’s resident Brit Paul Sullivan says, “I am a dirty minger.”
Leave it to the British to come up with a word for ugly that comes from the Gaelic word for septic vagina.
Binge Drinking A Recurring Problem
Looking more deeply into the problem, it may also have to do with the massive binge drinking the British have so desperately tried to eradicate in recent years by closing pubs early or banning loud music
Not simply because of the toll consistent binge drinking takes on the body or the many nights spent face down in a ditch, but because Britain is a country with a permanent case of beer goggles. There’s no real need for Britons to spruce up their appearance in order to, as we Americans like to say, get some.
How Can You Be One of Them?
To see what the British are up against, I took a quick mosey off to Beautiful People and browsed through photo after photo of the most beautiful people in the world in order to devise a few tips to help you gain acceptance into this elite club.
For Men: All photos should be shirtless with rippling chest shaved and well greased. Always pose with the ever attractive “thumbs up” sign.
For women: Your breasts or hair – whichever feature is better — should be the main focus of your photo. Make sure to pout for the camera.
Both sexes can be greatly helped by wearing sunglasses or making sure photos are slightly blurry and taken only from the neck up.
Oh yes, and one final tip? Don’t be British.
COMMUNITY CONNECTION
The definition of beauty changes greatly from person to person. It can be mind over matter. Or beauty can be best when at its most pure and natural. Other times, our attempts to make ourselves more beautiful backfire, and we find the opposite of what we want.
What does beauty mean to you?
About the Author
More By This Author
- The Idiot's Guide To Costume Design & Dress Up (3 comments)
- Six Reasons It Sucks To Be A Parent (6 comments)
- Uberboober Vs Formula Funbag: Choose Your Weapon (40 comments)
Related Posts
22 Comments... join the discussion!
-
-
Hahahah Leigh, this was hysterical. At least they have the sexy accent, gets me every time.
↵ -
Oh, I particularly enjoy the bottom of the website where it says “Too ugly to sign up? Browse!”
↵ -
I guess they’re expecting stupid and impressionable to be part of the make-up of their demographic?
Hey, I’m not ugly. I’m gonna sign up! But wait, I’m married. Oh well.
↵ -
“Not only being dipped in a bath of fug”…you had me rolling! This was a fantastic article. Now, I HAVE to check out the site!
↵ -
Damn, I guess there are too many beautiful people in the world, or ugly ones trying to take a look. Can’t get on because servers overloaded.
↵ -
My favorite from the home screen is – “No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites.”
↵ -
This made me think of the Family Guy episode where Peter gets plastic surgery and becomes a Beautiful Person. Then all of a sudden, everyone starts treating him better, different. He’s sent to the front of lines in grocery stores, has access to special clubs.
Doesn’t have to mix with the ugly riff raff.
↵ -
I’ve seen that episode lol
↵ -
Leigh, this was hysterical!!! Holy crap.
↵ -
Aww.. thanks Michelle. And everyone. This was fun to write. That website is just too much!
↵ -
hahahaha…..this is one of the funniest articles from matador…\
“http://matadortravel.com/travel-community/xtremxpert” – true, want to see the beautiful ones, but need to wait, they have “too much traffic” :p↵ -
Nice one Leigh! Among my fave lines…”or the many nights spent face down in a ditch”. Hilarious.
↵ -
What Michelle said. This had me laughing out loud.
↵ -
Man, there is NOTHING hotter than a man giving a thumbs up sign. Makes me melt every time.
↵ -
Go the Brits! As usual these days we fail at everything
↵ -
I’ll definitely check it out in a bit. Made me think of a book on the nature of desire – I wonder if there’s a growing trend for men to feel inadequate about their appearance based on this ideal male physique promoted in magazines, websites, and especially from other women. It’s been proven women definitely are, for the most part.
Family Guy aside, I really think there are beautiful people clubs out there, just without labels.
↵ -
I was voted on to that site, and they’re all snobs and super self absorbed.
In other words… if you don’t get accepted who care, beauty isn’t just an image
which clearly most of the people on BP haven’t discovered yet
Ta-ta!
↵ -
I’d agree that many countries have far more hotties per square mile than the UK. But damn we make good cakes.
John Cleese of Monty Python (odd to look at but very funny) once said: An Englishman would rather admit that he’s bad in bed than that he has no sense of humour”.
So there you have it. We might be a nation of mingers but when your best bits have gone south and your hair line has migrated north, we’ll still be able to make you laugh. Take that Beautiful People.
↵ -
@Natasha That is so funny. And is why I love Brits so. Regardless of their fugliness.
↵ -
better ugly than chronically obese….
luckily for me, i’m British and neither.
↵ -
HAHA their website is chronically down! Guess “beautiful people” can’t figure out how to make a website that runs on Firefox, an OPEN-SOURCE browser!
I was voted into this shit but jesus the site is never up! I mean once a week! Gah! Get some smart people in there. Beautiful jerks aren’t cutting it! And i will be damned if I am using IE to access anything!
↵
