Photo by emilio labrador
Some people aren’t just socially awkward, they’re social media awkward.
We already know the social media douchebag, but there are specific actions that really get under our skins. Kinda like public nose-picking or assertive, unwanted flirting.
Here are some of the top social media faux pas we hate.
The Know-It All
This is the person who lurks around Facebook and negatively comments on everything. It very well could be a family member, or a close friend. Matador Nights editor Kate Sedgwick says: “There is a woman who inserts herself into nearly every thread on many friends’ pages and reprimands commenters for their choice of words with a complete absence of humor. Usually she is commenting on a joke she fails to perceive.”
The Know-It-All will often have any opinion that goes contrary to the rest of the world. You know, when everyone is all a-buzz about the 2010 World Cup, this person will update their status with: “Who cares about the World Cup? We’re wasting millions of dollars.”
The Witless Wonder
The world doesn’t want to hear about the peanut butter sandwich you’re currently eating, or the color socks you’re wearing and certainly not how bored you are. Nobody ever cares as much as you do.
Photo by webtreats
The Internet Boyfriend or Girlfriend Wannabe
Probably the most drastic mistake you can make as a social media user is scouting out potential love interests, like Matador Life editor Leigh Shulman’s experience: “The guys who IM under guise of something professionally related but then it somehow makes its way around to them telling you how cute your profile picture is. Cute? I’m not a puppy.”
Heather Carreiro also dislikes these greaseballs: “Guys who not only hit on you, but who continue to send you photos of themselves. Hey, it’s me with my motorbike. Here’s me with my dog. And fifty photos of me with my car.”
There are Internet dating services for this kind of thing. Use them.
The Internet Stalker
Don’t follow someone if they have no photo, no location or barely any activity in their profile. I sometimes accept friend requests from strangers thinking I may know them through someone else, but usually they’re people who want to creep on my profile and send me endless Facebook chat messages.
If we have nothing in common at all, the only reason I can think of you contacting me is to get in my pants. That’s not the way to do it.
The Opinionated Brown-Noser
Don’t be the person who is in love with their own perspective on life and cannot be convinced to listen to other opinions. They’re usually the person who likes to put their nose in everyone’s business, even if they’re not welcome. This person likes to follow up a smug comment with a winking-face: 
. As if that annoying little one-eyed bastard makes everything better.
The Bible Quoter or Inspiration Giver
Freedom of speech is cool, and I’m all for learning about religion, but can you throw in a little variety every now and then? You know, so I don’t feel like my soul is going to be consumed in fiery hell?
Please leave out the inspirational quotes as well. Like Mike Sowden says: “Nothing says, ‘I have nothing to say today’ more than a good Mark Twain quote.”
Photo by topgold
The Dreaded Spammer
A Spammer is someone who will send out 20 messages in a row, apparently at random and without ever actually paying attention to what they’re posting and will generally alienate their following. Kate Sedgwick finds this group particularly annoying because “their posts become a bunch of noise in unbroken chains of links and updates. I prefer selective posters who select nuggets to share, not people who spray us all down with information I then have to weed through.”
Spamming also includes game invites and updates. I will not help you hunt down a ural liberation front contact in Mafia Wars; I don’t even know what the hell that means. I also don’t care if your virtual sheep is starving to death on Farmville. Butcher the stupid animal and move on.
The Bogans (Not to Be Confused With the Brogan)
“Bogan” is an Aussie term for “redneck.” I have several of these on my Facebook, which I keep around mostly for entertainment. The horrid spelling and grammar and mind-blowing mundane status updates never fail. Here’s a real one:
Oh my watching john play game. My little gurl playin with my belly saying i want 2 babies. She dont wanna settle for just 1 lol. Tells her theres only 1 in mommys belly and she no 2.
The Self-Proclaimed Expert
Let’s say you put a call out on Twitter, Facebook or Linked In asking for information and you end up with the needlessly long, over-hyped response from someone who claims to be THE expert on the topic. Nobody else could compete with this person’s knowledge, it’s just not possible. They have a book.
True story: there is always someone who knows more than you do. Deal with it.
Community Connection
What social media faux pas do you hate, or what faux pas have you committed? Share in the comments.
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32 Comments... join the discussion!
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Fitted acid wash jeans, red bandana and a Honda bike?
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Lol. Uh oh, does just saying that make me a witless commenter?
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A witless commenter never realizes they’re witless!
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I think LOL falls into the social media category with words like tweeps, tweetup and twitterverse. We all cringe just a little bit when we use them, but really, what else are you gonna say?
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So glad you used “bogans” in this
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that was going to be my comment – happy & cringing at the same time!
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Very good points. The only other one that gets me is the sympathy seeker. They leave comments such as “had a bad day, don’t ask”. It’s sort of the opposite of a rhetorical question really.
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Absolutely. I’m rolling my eyes just hearing you mention it.
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all valid points, however since you are the expert on social media and are telling people its uncool to do this and that on facebook, that makes you a douchebag too doesn’t it?
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Well, if we’re going to make measurements on the Douche Scale. I’m going to say that posting an anonymous slag ranks significantly higher.
Or were you kidding too?
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Absolutely not, since I wrote the article I can fully exempt myself from all douchebag labels.NOW WAIT FOR IT:
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I’ve met her in person, and can honestly say she’s no social media douchebag. Now, in real life…
(Kidding!)
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Great article! I especially enjoyed the line about the virtual sheep, really funny!
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Not to be a Know-It-All, but keeping “Bogans” around for ‘entertainment’ kind of makes you seem like a jerk. And quoting from someone’s personal page without, I’m assuming, their permission, is mean. I don’t care if they made it public on the internet.
Yeah, they’re uneducated and post things you think are stupid, but this is someone’s real life you’re ripping on and… they think you’re friends with them. They may even look up to your big, worldly life. Unless they’re bullies that tormented you in grade five, what’s your problem with these people? And if they were bullies, why are you ‘friends’ with them?
You’re being the virtual equivalent of the girl in highschool who invites the deeply uncool girl to the party so you can stand in the corner and smirk about how cool you are. I’d say that’s a whole new category for you list.
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Relax, most of it is grossly exaggerated and in no way meant to be taken seriously. Lighten up.
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There is always room for a Mark Twain quote!
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How about the two-fer? I spot a couple on my FB front page that are posing as both the Bible Quoter and Sympathy Seeker in the same post.
I don’t particularly want to be “that guy” without a photo, so I think I’ll fix that this week. Never thought about it being creepy. I’m just too lazy to get a photo made.
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Hahaha, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a photo of yourself, just something other than the default image!
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Haha, such a good list! The bogan quote made me cringe.
What about the passive-aggressive bitcher? The person whose FB status or Tweet is always along the lines of “Jane Doe doesn’t get why certain people in her office have the most annoying ringtones.” Mee-ow.
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Or the angry spouse bitching about their partner being late, doing something wrong, or being a general asshole? I love those.
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Passive aggressive bitchers are the worst! I loathe to think of the potential for petty Internet induced drama had Facebook been around when I was in high school.
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This was a gr8 post, Candice. But enuff of that. Do you want 2 come for a ride on my bike, and afterwards maybe you can tell me how great I am? I am a Social Media Guru and A+ in the sack. Thx.
Hey, do you like peanut butter? My favourite is crunchy. Smooth just isn’t right, you know? I’m pretty sure Smooth isn’t in the Bible, and also as Mark Twain once said “Life is crunchy”. So that’s why. Hope you think so too, or I really think our online relationship is off to a really poor start, Candice. Get with the programme LOL.
ps. pls buy my new eBook “Be Like Me Already”.
pps. Thanks for the mention, Candice.
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So it’s YOU that has been sending me all those messages and photos!
Seriously though, this comment had me cracking up.
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Uh, uh, no – it was, it was HIM.
*points randomly at nearest male Matadorian, which just so happens to be PharaoNick*
TOTALLY him. Nothing to do with me.
*collects and hides evidence in another open Firefox tab, then deletes it*
Yes. It was Nick. I don’t usually grass on my good friends, but it was totally him rather than me. Really. (Nick, you’re going to have to take the hit for me on this one. Cheers, mate. I owe ya).
*wipes Internet browsing history hurriedly, formats hard drive, installs Ubuntu instead of Windows, then breaks laptop in half*
Phew. Tracks completely covered. I think I’d make a great Internet stalker, actually.
You know, if my laptop wasn’t broken.
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*scratches head*
*woNderS when UsernameS are caPitaLised*
*Wonders whether what i just deleted was (in)appropriate*
*sees stars*And thinks, yep, you do owe me…
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I think Facebook needs to add some buttons. It should be “like,” “do not like,” and “douche.”
I guess that would be “thumbs up,” “thumbs down,” and “what are you doing with that thumb?”
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See, now, Joel. This really did make me laugh-out-loud.
Isn’t there another social media term we can use to differentiate between the half hearted sort of bullshitty LOL. And when things are really just too perfect and funny.
LMFAO? ROFL? LWTUB?
Or maybe we just leave it as is.
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Love it Candice. I just hope I’m not one of those bogan’s on your facebook account
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I don’t have a matador account. Here is my fb – http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=645567585
Now that your argument is no longer valid, I’m thinking you will become the the self-proclaimed expert on doucheness and prove me wrong?
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Thanks for the feedback guys! Mike, that comment made me giggle. Chris, you are most certainly not a bogan.
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I hate people who post stuff like “oh no, someone defriended me today”. How do you even know that unless you purposely sit around looking at your number of friends? Maybe you’ve been defriended because you have no life.
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