Photo by .ygor
Life on the road can be stressful, mainly because you never quite know what will happen next, but life in one place?
Turns out the switch between traveler and expat hit me much harder than I could have expected. Now we have a lease on a house, Lila’s in school, and we have work. We are committed. In some ways, that’s really lovely, something I found myself dearly craving after so long without a place to call home.
Of course, I’ve been so busy trying to settle in, work, get the house cleaned and liveable, find my way around, meet people, and locate doctors for the family. I’m pulled in so many directions I don’t even know where to go first.
Photo by tourist_on_earth
Then there’s my new job at Matador. It’s quite an amazing experience. I’m meeting creative, interesting people, honing my writing skills. I’m learning loads about search engine optimization, writing articles that bring big hits and producing (hopefully) quality pieces in short time. Matador has opened up my writing and teaching career in new wonderful ways. It’s also my first so-called real job since before Lila was born.
Thus my life feels like triage. I run from one line of my to-do list to the next, never quite paying complete attention to anything and never finding time to properly rest. Ironic, I think, given that what I write for Matador is all about finding balance and thriving when you’re not on vacation. On the job training, I suppose.
So Why Is This and What Can We Do?
As I’ve struggled with all this, I’ve come up with four different reasons why life balance — too often happiness as well — eludes us.
We’re searching for something missing in our lives.
This is how I felt when living in NYC. Not at first, mind you. The city challenged me, but after ten years there, I no longer enjoyed the choices I’d made for my life. I felt stuck, angry, uncomfortable. I just wanted to be free.
We spent the last three years searching and have since found ourselves in a wonderful new city, where the people are perhaps the kindest, most helpful and most decent I have ever met. My work is going well. Lila is happy with school and friends. Noah and I have new projects on the horizon, and all seems well.
I have everything I could want, so why so unhappy little bear?
We’re adjusting to something new.
I recently saw Facebook status update from Paulo Coelho saying: Change is part of life. Friction is part of change. Get used to it.
Yes, change is a part of life, and often the good, happy sort takes as much adjustment as the really hard painful kind. Perhaps the key is to simply, as Coelho suggests, accept it. Let it just exist and eventually, friction wears down to comfort again.
We Need Something New
So it stands to reason, that if change is a normal healthy part of life, if you’re not changing, you’re stagnating and thus will feel friction from that as well. Sort of can’t win on the happiness train, can you? Then again, it’s not really so much about winning as it is realizing that life is a cycle of constant movement.
Photo by chrispearson
This is different from my first point in that you can have everything you want in your life, nothing is missing, but you are searching for change. Many times, you simply need to shake things up before going back to your life as it was.
We Always Want More, More, More
You’re thinking of the future and past, what you used to have, what you hope to have. You look at your life, house, career, spouse and friends seeing what isn’t there, what could be, what used to be. Worst of all, when you turn this eye on yourself, the criticism will be the most harsh.
While happiness isn’t something we can expect to have every moment of every day of our lives, at times sadness is necessary, this sort of thinking will leave us permanently dissatisfied. Unless you break away from this cycle, you’ll never find those crucial moments of rest and happiness.
So Where Do I Go From Here?
I sit here at home typing with a gentle breeze blowing through the kitchen, birds of all ilk chirping and still I wonder to why I can’t shake this feeling. I don’t feel myself anymore.
Then I realize, perhaps it is not that I am somehow not myself. Instead, there is a part of me that will always remain off balance until I make the clear choice to shift my thinking.
“How?” you may wonder. Well, first step is recognizing why you feel the way you do. Then you can start making a change.
Community Connection
How do you practice finding balance and happiness? Discover some new tips for adjusting to life in a new home, or learn how some parents keep afloat in a busy world.
About the Author
More By This Author
- Six Reasons It Sucks To Be A Parent (4 comments)
- Uberboober Vs Formula Funbag: Choose Your Weapon (40 comments)
- How Do You Measure Yourself? (11 comments)
Related Posts
11 Comments... join the discussion!
-
-
So true, Simone.
Because I work online, it’s difficult for me to stay offline for more than a day or so. The last time I did was this past summer at Burning Man.
We recently moved into a new house where we don’t have internet. It can be stressful in some ways, because it drastically cuts down on the hours in a day I have to work. On the other hand, I relax as soon as I walk in the door because I know there’s nothing for me to do at home but just live my life.
↵ -
Leigh, when I read this, I realized again how much we have in common! This is a constant struggle with me…two different workloads plus a social life. I know work is always supposed to “come first” but I look at how we’re all growing up so quickly and I feel I should enjoy this reckless part of my 20s as much as possible. Ya know what I mean? It’s so hard to balance all three.
↵ -
I’m lucky in that I work with people who are fun, funny and interesting. When we discuss work, it often feels like just a fun chat with a friend.
That said, I don’t really agree that work always comes first. Friends, family, the things that recharge and revive us are of equal importance. Work is to pay for roof, food, clothes, travel, etc. I think it’s important to recognize that anything beyond basics is extra.
Last year I had a choice to go to TBEX or join Lila for a princess tea party to celebrate her cousin’s birthday. I chose the tea party. I figured TBEX would be there another year, but a 4yo birthday only comes once.
Of course, I wish I could have come to Chicago to meet many of the travel bloggers I’ve read, twittered and FBed. It would have also been great to be part of TBEX when it was still on the smaller side. I think it will be HUGE this coming year and will continue to grow. But I’m also very happy with my memories of 5 little girls sitting around the table at the Ritz Carlton drinking tea in their princess dresses with tiaras on their heads.
↵ -
i think most of us are in trap in this limbo.. a struggle we constantly want to win..
↵ -
Hi Leigh,
This is a very insightful post–and one I can very much relate to! The quote from Paul Coelho, “Change is part of life. Friction is part of change. Get used to it.” sounds just like something my Dad would say Any direction can cause friction, but it’s how we deal with the situation. I’m not the most flexible person in the world, and finding balance is quite challenging at times. I guess the most important thing is to be aware and when we have that feeling of friction or that we’re out of balance, look to see what needs to be changed and do it to bring as much balance into our lives as possible. Have a great day,
Sher :0)↵ -
That reminds me of something I read in a book on Kundalini Tantra. It talked about how disruption and discomfort are often a sign of moving onto another stage.
So it may not always be pleasant, but it is good to be reminded that the friction is a sign of coming back into balance.
Thanks for your comment, Sher. It’s always good to hear from you.
↵ -
You are so right with your points on the elusive life balance. The grass is always greener.
I remind myself it’s about living in the moment as much as I can with two kids, writing, traveling, school, activities and all of the planning and routine that finds its way into life.
I just wrote about taking time off “clock time,” http://travelandtravails.com/opinions/time-off-clock-time/. I think that’s why I love summer vacation and extended travel, it’s time away from the clock and activities and routines. The challenge is how to find that in one’s day to day life.
Good luck with finding your balance!
↵ -
That is a really lovely piece, Dee. Very useful and helpful.
I totally agree that the Spanish (or Latin) way of slowing down, manana, take a nap after a long lunch are really lovely. And it amazes me how difficult it’s been getting used to it.
I will say, though, that lately, I’ve actually learned how to take a nap in the afternoon. Just an hour after lunch. Everything is closed anyway so there’s nothing I can do. It most definitely helps me put the rest of my day into focus.
↵ -
I feel you, sister – I feel you.
Having just spent the last year floating from place to place meandering, living on natural time, following synchronicities along the way, I loved my lifestyle & the people I met, but in the last few months I craved to be back home in Cali and having some stability. Instead of short-term experiences, I wanted to build community in one place, see things take root for a long time & be able to see things develop over time instead of moving on to project after project. I craved for intimate connections to people, to my work, to a home again. I was so excited to get home & pick up on some things I left off, and I got here with such high expectations of settling in & then sunk into a depression for a few weeks. There was no picking back up because I am not the same person I was when I left. I expected to ease right back into my “old life” & forgot that I would be creating an entirely new one again. And I freaked out & resisted the friction for a bit, but once I acknowledged the truth of my feelings & the struggle to re-adjust, things slowly began to slide into a beautiful new formation…
Thank you for this insightful piece. It helped put me even more at ease with being ok with exactly what is happening right now – it’s all always ok, isn’t it?
↵ -
“It’s all always ok, isn’t it?”
I think that needs to become my new mantra in life. (or Life?)
↵
